im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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