I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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