they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
