I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
