I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
