none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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