Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Houston, we have a squirter
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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