a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
