yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
