Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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