that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
