Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
