I hate your face
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
this boner is exhausting
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
