I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
