Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
