She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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