Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i now understand why vodka
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
