Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
