i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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