you win again, gameday.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize