my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
