I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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