He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
