just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
