The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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