also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
