Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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