Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We had to coat check the pizza.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
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