I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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