I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
