I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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