Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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