how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
