he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
