i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
