you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
