i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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