I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
