Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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