so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What a dumb baby whore.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
