Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Drunk is not a location!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
