i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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