What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
