...so i touched it.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
