the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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