If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Come share oat with me in your robe
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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