So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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