We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
zippers are such a cool invention
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
