I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
