Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
