I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
