I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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