I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize