just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
