u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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