you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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