We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
its liver damage thursday
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
