i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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