mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
They took my balls.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
