I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
