If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
