Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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