____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
