Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
