I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
