Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
3pm strippers are depressing
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
