hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
