U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
