Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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