New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
