Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I lost the right to judge tonight
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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