wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
