he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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