sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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