Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
All I want is dick and wine.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
