I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I fill condoms, not promises.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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