So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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