I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
