Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
