i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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