To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
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